


Hot Pockets

by ranem



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Crack, Gen, Silly, post-Yamori, pre-:Re
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-09
Updated: 2019-01-09
Packaged: 2019-10-07 08:15:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17362343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ranem/pseuds/ranem
Summary: Kaneki's new battlesuit may have been stylish, but it didn't come with pockets. He found a creative solution. Regeneration had never come so much in handy.





	Hot Pockets

Kaneki was on a mission with Tsukiyama and Banjou when he heard the ringtone. Itori’s tune – that could be important. Possibly more important than the A-rate ghoul he was working over, so he dropped everything in his fight and rushed all the way over to Banjou, who was Kaneki’s official walking purse, to answer it. Kaneki had been expecting a call from Itori with some promised crucial intel for some time, but when he answered, it was just a telemarketer.

Kaneki was only distracted for a second, but a second was all it took, and he suffered a gash on his leg from the enemy’s kagune.  He fumbled and dropped the phone on the rough floor, giving its screen a nasty scratch. He snatched it up and started fighting again, but when he looked around, Banjou was separated from him by two more ghouls. Without any pockets in his battlesuit, Kaneki resorted to cramming his phone inside of his mask against his face. It was pretty uncomfortable. It also made the ghoul he was fighting laugh, which was embarrassing.  
  
Tsukiyama only showed up after the fighting had ended (in their favor, of course), but at least he wasn’t around while Kaneki was looking stupid with the phone. The ghouls who they were fighting had fled, but in their hurry, they had left behind possibly valuable documents. While Banjou examined the papers for relevance (he was clueless, but hesitant to remind Kaneki that he could not read), Tsukiyama sat with Kaneki and helped to pull out pieces of battlesuit from Kaneki’s leg wound.

Cross with pain, Kaneki griped at Tsukiyama. “Hey, why did you design something with no pockets? It’s incredibly inconvenient to have someone else carry my stuff for me.”  
  
“Can’t you wear shorts with pockets?” Tsukiyama asked.  
  
“These are my lucky shorts,” Kaneki explained. “I’m not giving them up.”

However, Tsukiyama and Kaneki had been too distracted and worked too slowly at cleaning Kaneki’s wound, and when they looked down, Kaneki’s superior regeneration had already fixed his leg, leaving one last stubborn piece of black trapped underneath the new skin. Sighing, Kaneki jabbed his fingers harshly at his healed wound, breaking the fresh membrane for a moment to pull out the fragment. About to chuck the scrap into the rest of the bloody pile, Kaneki instead paused and stared at the dark piece in his palm, contemplating.

 

* * *

  
Three days later, it was movie night at the apartment. It was Ichimi’s turn to pick the movie, which meant that no one cared about the movie, since no one cared about Ichimi (excepting Jiro, Sante, and Banjou, who, despite being most of Kaneki’s followers, somehow still seemed the minority). Kaneki was tempted to doze like Hinami was doing on Tsukiyama’s shoulder, but he was trying out this new resting regimen that was supposed to gradually wean his body from sleeping, so instead he decided to check his phone.  
  
Crossing his ankle over his knee, he lifted his pant leg slightly to reveal an odd bulge on the side of his lower shin. Casually breaking the skin, he fished out his phone and wiped it off on his (thankfully black) shirt. There was a bit of blood stuck in the new crack on the screen - the _real_ casualty of the last battle - and Kaneki could tell just by looking that he wasn't going to be able to get it out. Oh wait, no! His phone was waterproof, right? Yes, it turned on fine, close call. Kaneki glanced up. Everyone was staring at him. He stared back, and they all decided it really wasn’t so strange, definitely nothing of note compared to this absolutely fascinating movie.  
  
(Banjou internally wilted at being replaced by an ankle. Tsukiyama suddenly yearned to do a random act of kindness, such as handling Kaneki's laundry.)

 

* * *

  
Kaneki obviously never needed to go grocery shopping, but every now and then the household did need something, such as soap or toilet paper or more coffee. Of course the task of restocking fell upon Kaneki, for he was the only one out of all of his followers who had mastered shopping All By Himself (with the debatable exception of Tsukiyama, but Kaneki did not want Tsukiyama picking out his toilet paper or body wash anyway). Kaneki did not mind doing the errands much, except for when sometimes the lines to check out were too long. Naki would disagree, but waiting for available cashiers was boring and not glamorous at all. Kaneki didn't know Naki, anyway.  
  
Kaneki stared ahead of him at all of the humans buying various domestic products. He had just gotten to the front of the line when his cell phone started ringing and lighting up through the bottom of his pants – Itori’s ringtone.

“Excuse me, I’ve got to go get this. It’s important,” Kaneki said, gathering up his purchase (four jugs of bleach and a deodorant stick) and jogging to the back of the store, forfeiting his position as next in line. Damn you, Itori, for always calling at the worst times.  
  
It was a telemarketer.

**Author's Note:**

> Why is it always Itori's ringtone? It's probably a bunch of clowns doing prank calls.
> 
> Sorry to the characters I teased; I really do like them all.


End file.
